I Thought We Were Cool

There was a time when I thought we were on the same page when it came to certain things in life. I know that you’re a woman and I am a man and we had feelings for one another in the past, and I thought we were cool. We both decided to not pursue a relationship because we valued our friendship. Yes I flirted with and you flirted with me, but I let it be known that we both need to keep it on a friend/family like level and you agreed. Now all of that seemed to change because of you and your mouth. I told you things that I wouldn’t/couldn’t share with anyone else. I shared feelings with you and even shed tears in front of you and with you. There were many conversations that I had with you and only you and I asked you not to share them with anyone else. But nooo you decided to go and run your mouth and put my business on what I called “the hen party website”. You went and told other females that the only reason that I talked to you or called you was because I had a near death experience. Hell, you even said that all I wanted was some ”pity p***y”. Are you f***ing serious??  Listen, before I want any of your p***y, I will have bi-sexual relations. Meaning the only time that I will have sex, it will be by my damn self. Now there’s no love for you from me and I am pretty sure that you have no love for me. I thought we were cool, I guess I was wrong.

Final Thought: I think that it’s hard, but not impossible for a male and a female to be just friends and keep feelings and lust out of the friendship. This particular young lady was like family to me and she basically ruined what we had all because she wanted to have some things to talk about. It was later revealed to me that she wanted more than a friendship, but not a relationship. Hey I was confused and didn’t understand what that meant at first. Let’s just say she wanted us to “hook up” every now and then without putting feelings into “doing the grown up”. I guess she wanted me to give her some “pity d”, nah that’s okay I passed on that. Thanks for reading…

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(M.Bowlding/copyright/3-31-15)

My Day Face, My Night Face

During the day I make sure to display what I call “my day face.” This face will show everyone that I am smiling, laughing, and having a great sense of humor. It may seem to others that everything in my life is going great and I don’t have a worry in the world. No matter what happens during the day, that day face shows nothing but joy and happiness, because of the loving relationship that we have together. When someone ask about you and I, I can’t stop talking about you and I damn sure can’t stop blushing. I don’t want everyone in our business, so I let them think that everything is okay between us.  I look at the clock and I notice that time is winding down, I look to the sky and I notice that the sunlight is fading fast. Damn it, day turns into night and now it’s time to display “my night face” and this is when the truth comes out. At night my smile goes away and the look of disappointment shows on my face, not to mention the feelings of emptiness and abandonment coming into play. My heart begins to feel the pain and disappointment of a loving relationship that once was strong and true. I don’t want to look in the mirror at night, because I don’t want to see the pain, I don’t want to see the tears running down my cheeks. I lay in the bed stirring into darkness and wondering when will this pain go away. My mind starts to think of you, my mind thinks of the warm embrace that we shared, my mind thinks of the passionate love making we shared, my mind thinks of the sweet and tender kisses we shared. My eyes are closed yet I can still see your face, I can still hear your voice. I am trying to block all of the pain out and it’s not working. S*** when will it end, when will it stop. Wait is that the alarm clock going off?? Yes it is, time to get up. I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror knowing that it’s the start of a new day. Now that’s the face that everyone will see during the day, but the night is just around the corner and I have to go through it all over again; damn.

Final Thought: It’s may be easy for some to put on a front to look as if they’re doing okay and that there is nothing wrong them. When it comes to relationships it’s tricky, but not impossible to do. No one wants people all on their business when things goes bad, and no ones wants to hear any type of advice on how to deal with a broken heart. Trust me I know. Thanks for reading…

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(M.Bowlding/copyright/3-17-15)

Nana Forever

My nana meant the world to me

Her smile would make my worries be gone and set free

Her voice was soft and ever so sweet

She spoke words of wisdom that were a real treat

When I wanted to sit in front the television all day and watch it

She would cut it off so that we could play a game called “here comes the hatchet”

She went out of her way to make sure I was a well behaved young man

She reminded me that if I acted up my face would meet the back of her hand

If my mother said no and put it to rest

My nana would say yes, and she knows best

She’s in a place where there is no phone

She’s in a better place because the Lord called her home

I miss her each and every single day

Especially every year on March 8th, which is her birthday

Thank you for putting our family together

I miss and love you Nana forever

Final Thought: My grandmother or “Nana” (my cousins and I called her that) was a very special woman in my life. She was strong, stern, soft spoken and she had a big heart. She was always willing to help others in a time of need. It didn’t matter to her if they were family or not, she was always there to offer a helping hand. I think that I inherited that trait from her, because I am the same way at times. She passed on many years ago suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. She was well loved and well respected by her family and friends. I love her and miss her so much. Thanks for reading…

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(M.Bowlding/copyright/3-16-15)

What Went Wrong

After a relationship ends we seem to ask ourselves what went wrong. I don’t mean when someone does the other person dirty, I mean when someone decides to call it quits for no apparent reason. At times you may take the blame because you are that type of person (believe me I have done that before). There are times when the blame should be put  solely on the other person when they know damn well they are the one to blame for whatever happened. You see some of us may look back on a past relationship and try not to dwell on it because it can affect the current or future relationship. But regardless of any preventive measures we take, something always seems to go wrong especially if we really want the current or future relationship to work. Even when we want that one relationship to work and last forever, the fear or thought of it ending stays on our mind. Hell I still ask myself WHAT WENT WRONG with the one true relationship that I really wanted.

Final Thought: No relationship is perfect and some relationships don’t last forever, but the heart seems to say and feel differently. During a relationship, everything seems to be great in the beginning and there is nothing wrong with you or the other person. When things seem to fizzle and die down, that’s when some start to question the relationship. For me I know I asked myself time and time again what went wrong in some relationships and the answer smacked me right in the face. I had to think and say “oh yeah it was something(s) I did. But with the few relationships that I really wanted, the answer was never given to me. I can still hear my heart saying “what went wrong with the relationship that we both really wanted”?? Thanks for reading…

Spread the world and follow me… (M.Bowlding/copyright/9-11-14)

I Love You, Do You Love Me

To whom it may concern, (hell you know who you are) this topic is directed towards you. You know how I feel about you and how much I truly love you. I have been with you over a long period of time and I have made sweet and passionate love to you like nothing else mattered in this world. I mean I made love to you like I could never do with any other woman. What hurts me so bad is that you don’t seem to give a damn about how I feel. I asked you what about all of the time that we spent together, what about all the plans we made together, what about building our future together, what about us proving to people that our love was strong and true. When I asked you about all of those things, you said “what about it”. When I reminded you about the special love making we shared, you said “what about it”. It seems that you have taken all of those special things and flushed them down the toilet. I love you, do you love me?? Now that’s the question. When you find the answer, smack yourself real hard and let me know how it feels. That way you can feel my pain.

Final Thought: This topic focused on a question that I never really got a answer to. Everything was going great and we were on the same page. Then things started to sour after awhile. It wasn’t because of me, it was because “a certain someone” didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. They made the choice to hang out and “do them”. I learned to get over it, but it made me mad on how it ended and the funky ass attitude that was being displayed during this discussion. Now this was from a past experience and I have moved on from it. But I wonder, did that person find the answer and was the smack hard enough for them to feel the pain? One only knows. Thanks for reading……….

Spread the word and follow me… (M.Bowlding/copyright/8-01-14)

The Main Event (Black Man vs Society)

Now this fight is different from the first. As a black man I seem to have had a few strikes against me as far as society is concern. Society said growing up I would be ” young dumb and full of cum”. Society said that I would drop out of high school and that I would never amount to anything. Society also said that I am on the road to failure and that I will/would have a lot of  kids and I will/would not take good care of them. Society says that selling drugs will be my only means of making a decent living in this world and the only way to provide for my children. Society said that my voice would not be heard. Now I am not a hateful person and I have been raised to ignore stupidity so let me say this from my heart. Hey society F**K YOU,  because I am making it and I am going to make it regardless of what you say or what you may think. Winner and always champion of the world, me THE BLACK MAN!!!

Final Thought: I try to do one post a day, but I just had to add this one today also. As I have stated before, a lot of my writing/post are based on past experiences. I was sitting and thinking (I am always thinking) about how someone who is apart of society, put my ethic background and me being man in a negative light. This person said all of these negative things towards me and had the nerve to say that they were speaking for the society. This is not about me being mad or hateful towards society as a hole. If you really think about it,  title speaks for itself.  The Main Event (Black Man) which is me; versus (Society) which is the ass wipe who said those things to me. Thanks for reading …..

Spread the word and follow me… (M.Bowlding/copyright/7-31-14) 

I Am My Worse Enemy (Me vs Me)

This fight is a ongoing fight within myself that hurts mentally and emotionally. The lefts, the rights and the uppercuts just keep coming and coming hard. There are knock downs and knockouts during the fight. So I fall down, I get up and sometimes I just want to give up and quit. But then I hear a voice that gives me a glimmer of  hope and that is the voice of  “GOD”.  His voice tells me that everything will be cool and to follow his instructions. He tells me to move to the left and then to the right, he tells me to dodge and to stay in the fight. If I get knocked down, he tells me to get up and stand tall. Will I win?? To be continued……

Final Thought: My fight within myself has hindered me in everyday life at times. There are times when I can get so down on myself, that I don’t want to do anything. I have taught myself to say “damn that I have got to remain strong”. It’s hard at times, but I will keep up the good fight. Thanks for reading my post.

Spread the word and follow me… (M.Bowlding/copyright/7-31-14)