Before, During, and After

Before I met you, my life was in total chaos and I didn’t know which way to go. I didn’t seem to care about anyone and I didn’t care about anything that was going on in my life and in the world. The relationship that I had before you, seem to be nothing more than “something to do” and it seemed like it was all a waste of time and energy. All of this went on before I found the right one which I thought was you.

During our relationship, I felt that love could and would last a lifetime with you. You made me feel like a king and I was on top of the world. Your smile, your words of wisdom, your kisses, your warm embrace, and the passionate love making that we shared, made me realize that I could love someone like you and feel good about myself at the same time. I fell in love with you and I had mad love and respect for your family and friends too. All of those reasons made me happy and put a smile on my face that never went away. You said that you loved me and I told you that I loved you. I treated you like a queen and you said that you wanted me to stay with you forever. You made promises to me and I made promises to you and we even went as far as planning to spend the rest of our lives together. We were together for years, not months, but years and it was great. But then…

After our relationship ended, I began to see you for the real you and all of your bulls***came into focus. What do I mean by that you may ask? Well let’s see, you began to change the way you acted towards me and the affection seem to go straight down the drain. At first I blamed myself for what went wrong in the relationship. Then I remembered all of the times when days went by and I wouldn’t hear from you. I remembered all the times you spent on the phone talking to your so called “buddies” and talking in codes. I remembered the times you claimed to ill and we couldn’t go out, yet you went out anyway. Hell, I remembered the time you had a conversation with someone and you acted as if I didn’t exist. Most of all you made it seem like I was good enough to f*** when you were horny, you made it seem like I was good enough to spend money on food when your greedy ass was hungry. But I wasn’t good enough for you to be in love with and I wasn’t good enough for you to want to spend a lifetime with. Some may say that I am “in my feelings” because the relationship is over. It’s not  like that at all. What gets me is the fact that you and I had a strong connection and we both agreed to start a relationship. Instead of you being up front with me about your feelings and letting things end early on, you dragged it on as long as you could only so that things worked out in your favor. Just admit it, you thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence huh?? Thanks to you, I don’t want a relationship, because my heart can’t take the pain anymore of looking forward to disappointment.

Final Thought: This relationship made me realize that no matter how bad one relationship was, there’s no way to tell if the next will be any better. I know no one is perfect, but damn she could have kept it real and stayed true to herself. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. Then after all was said and done, she wanted to come back. Really?? Thanks for reading…

Spread the word and follow me…(M.Bowlding/copyright/4-02-15)


One thought on “Before, During, and After

  1. Wow again YOU literally have experienced everything I’ve been affected by I feel like I’m not interested in a relationship because I’m repairing and rebuilding my heart, myself, my life. One day someone amazing will be strong enough to love me through it and me to love them because of it. Another awesome read hun.

    Liked by 1 person

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